So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I didn't notice because vodka
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
