you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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