apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
