she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
