new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
