What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
