i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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