you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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