Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
