I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
