just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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