i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Church boner. Awkwardddd
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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