she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
