It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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