yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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