it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
