"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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