I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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