I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
