so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
