And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
