I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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