Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
