I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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