he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
