i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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