Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
