Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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