I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
