I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
