Those balls look pretty dangerous.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Come see our sink grown plant.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
