gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
