My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
where am i from again
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
