Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
