I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
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my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
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Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just high enough for therapy.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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