my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
