Can i not drive my cunt home
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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