you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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