4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
