Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
