Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
