I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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