My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
