video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
