I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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