just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Randomize
