You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
