In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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