let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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