I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
