Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
