I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
