Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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