Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
