ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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