omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
