So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
When did angry sex become our thing?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
