I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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