The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
