I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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