Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
