I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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