lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
