somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
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almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
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Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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