they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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