do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
