a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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