I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
