i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
