Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
