I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
