ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
